


I'm A Mess

by CommanderHeartThrob



Series: The 100 One Shots [3]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-15
Updated: 2015-04-15
Packaged: 2018-03-23 01:21:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3749683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CommanderHeartThrob/pseuds/CommanderHeartThrob
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt: Modern AU. Lexa and Clarke have just broken up over Lexa's inability to let herself love Clarke. They end in bad terms. Lexa is more broken than Clarke is and she starts to spiral into depression, and Bellamy is the princess's new boyfriend, and is bitter and cold towards Lexa. Raven and Anya attempt to console Lexa but nothing works.</p><p>Lexa keeps beating herself up over the breakup and she eventually kills herself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm A Mess

**Author's Note:**

> So, I decided to take it upon myself to kind of change the prompt to fit the characters better. Now it’s more like "Lexa and Clarke break up over Lexa’s inability to allow herself to love Clarke, but Lexa realizes how much of a mistake that was not long after. Clarke is seen with Bellamy, Lexa not knowing that he means nothing to the blonde. Lexa finally gets the chance to speak to Clarke again, finding out that they still feel the same way about one another and are together once more."

 

“I'm a mess right now, inside out, searching for a reason behind this,” Lexa states, looking Clarke in the eyes.  “This is not the end, Clarke.” She continues, attempting to place a hand on her cheek. Clarke pushes Lexa’s hand away, frustrated at what’s ahead.

“I can't work it out, going through the motions, going through us.” Lexa’s eyes drop to the floor as a tear rolls down her cheek. “I've known it for the longest time, all of my hopes, and all of my own words are all over written on the signs,” She continues, her gaze never leaving Clarke’s feet.

“Lexa, you don’t have to do this. Love is--” Lexa cuts her off, looking her directly in the eyes.

“Clarke, all emotions are weakness. I cannot allow myself to continue this way. The team depends on it,” Lexa says, taking a step back.

“You would choose your fucking hockey team over your girlfriend?” Clarke shouts, taking a step forward.

“Clarke, please. You know I care for you, more than I allow myself to show, but I made this decision with my head and not my heart.” Lexa says, quickly taking a step towards the girl she knew she loved more than the world itself. She couldn’t stand to see Clarke in pain, but she knew this was the best decision for the team. “Clarke, I let my guard down when I’m around you. I can’t let this to continue to happen. I cannot allow myself to continue to love you. I’m sorry.”

“Did you just tell me you love me for the first time, and break up with me in the same fucking breath?” Clarke snapped, disgust and sorrow etched into her usually kind features.

“I’m sorry, Clarke. I didn’t want it to come to this,” Lexa says, letting the tears stream down her cheeks.

“I can’t believe the captain of the Ice Hockey team just fucking dumped me because I distract her,” Clarke said, about to storm off when Lexa grabbed her wrist, pulling her close. Their lips crashed together for a few moments before Lexa pulled away to speak.

“May we meet again, Clarke Griffin,” Lexa said, her eyes glossed over in tears before turning to leave.

“May we meet again,” Clarke whispered, bringing her fingers to her lips, cursing herself for falling so hard for Lexa.

 

* * *

* * *

 

“Alexandrea Heda to the rink, please,” A voice echoed throughout the cold building. Lexa took a second to register that it was the team’s manager, Raven. She quickly rushed towards the rink, her ice skates in one hand, hockey stick in the other before looking over to the spot where Clarke usually sat during practice, finding it empty. Lexa sat down on the bench, tying her skates quickly before sliding onto the rink.

“What’s got you so worked up, Heda?” Anya asked, mouthguard in hand. Lexa quickly shifted her mouthguard in order to speak clearly.

“I broke up with Clarke this morning,” Lexa replied after a moment of silence. She could feel the tears forming as she quickly readjusted her mouthguard. Anya placed her gloved hand upon Lexa’s shoulder before speaking again.

“Don’t beat yourself up over this, Lexa. You did what you thought was right, and that’s all that matters,” Anya replied. Lexa nodded in response, holding back her tears. Practice went terribly for Lexa as she was too distracted by the thought of hurting Clarke. It was then that Lexa had realized that she had made a mistake. As practice came to a close, Lexa rushed to the locker room to change out of her uniform and into the outfit she had been wearing earlier in the week. She shoved her things into her locker before rushing out the doors and heading home.

 

* * *

* * *

 

It had been a week since Clarke and Lexa had broken up, and all Lexa could think about was that she had made a big mistake. She realized that Clarke was her strength, and she needed her strength back. When she went to talk to Clarke on monday morning, she saw her with Bellamy, his arm draped over her shoulder as he talked to his friends. Clarke’s eyes met Lexa’s for a moment. They were full of sorrow and longing and Lexa wanted nothing more than to pull the small blonde into her arms and never let her go. Lexa quickly leaned against the wall she was standing next to, pulling out her phone. She sent a text message to Clarke.

Lexa: Clarke, can we talk?

Clarke: I have nothing to say to you, Heda.

The harsh reply sent a tear down Lexa’s cheek.

Lexa: I was wrong, Clarke. Love is not weakness. It is strength, and I need my strength back.

Clarke: Well maybe your “strength” doesn’t want to come back.

Lexa slid down against the wall, looking up at the ceiling.

Lexa: Clarke, I made a mistake. Please, come talk to me.

She looked over at Clarke who rolled her eyes before typing out her reply.

Clarke: May we meet again, Lexa.

At that moment, Raven rounded the corner and saw Lexa on the floor against the wall. She looked over to where Lexa’s eyes hadn’t left to see Clarke in Bellamy’s arms, smiling from ear to ear.

“I’m so sorry, Lexa,” Raven said, sitting next to her. She placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder. “I’m sure she’ll come to her senses soon.”

* * *

* * *

 

Weeks had past before Lexa had seen Clarke again, this time colliding into the smaller girl and dropping her textbooks on the ground. Clarke looked up to see that Lexa was wearing the same warpaint she always did on game day.

“I’m sorry, I wasn’t looking where I was going,” Lexa said, picking up the textbooks that had fallen onto the floor before she looked up, her eyes meeting Clarke’s. “Clarke,” She said again after a long pause.

“It’s fine Lexa,” Clarke replied, her blue eyes never leaving Lexa’s green ones. She had been so lonely without her, but wouldn’t say it outloud. Bellamy was a horrible distraction and wouldn’t keep his hands off of her. She missed Lexa’s gentle touch and wanted nothing more than to throw her books to the ground and press her lips against Lexa’s.

“No, Clarke. It isn’t. I’ve been so alone without you.” She quickly replied, her eyes moving to Clarke’s lips. “I need my princess back.”

“I know, Lexa. I’m sorry,” Clarke placed her books on the floor next to her, wrapping her arms around Lexa. Lexa stood there, shocked. “Alexandrea Heda, you better hug me back,” Clarke said in a joking manner. Lexa proceeded to wrap her own arms around Clarke, pulling her close.

“What about Bellamy?” Lexa asked, looking into Clarke’s eyes as Clarke leaned forward, connecting their lips together.

“Bellamy means nothing to me, Lexa.” Clarke replied, brushing a curl out of Lexa’s face.

“I love you, Clarke Griffin,” Lexa says after staring into Clarke’s eyes for what felt like an eternity.

“I love you too, Lexa Heda,” Clarke responded, placing her lips upon Lexa’s once more.

 

 


End file.
